Phil Johnson

''"If we don't go on this gosh darn walk, I'm going to kill myself."  - Flip Johnson ''

Phil likes board games and The Yogscast. Phil is a master saxophonist and the only person to out sax Former President Bill Clinton. Phil has been part of numerous test groups on the effect of LSD on teens, and has donated over $300 of plasma to orphans.

Early Life
Johnson was born on December 17, 1978, in Kibawe, Bukidnon, Philippines. He is the son of John Johnson and Josh Aldrich.[17] His parents separated when he was in sixth grade, after his mother discovered that his father was living with another woman.[17] He is the fourth among six siblings: Liza Silvestre-Onding and Domingo Silvestre (from first husband of his mother) and Isidra Pacquiao-Paglinawan, Alberto "Bobby"Johnson and Sam Johnson.

John married Jinkee Jamora on May 10, 2000. Together, they have five children, Emmanuel Jr. (Jimuel), Michael Stephen, Mary Divine Grace, Queen Elizabeth and Israel. His daughter, Queen, was born in the United States. He resides in his hometown General Santos City, South Cotabato, Philippines.[18] However, as a congressman of lone district of Sarangani, he is officially residing in Kiamba, Sarangani, the hometown of his wife.

Raised in the Roman Catholic faith,[19] Johnson is currently a practicing Evangelical Protestant.[20][21][22] He is also a military reservist with the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in the Reserve Force of the Philippine Army.[23] Prior to being commissioned to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, he first entered the Army's reserve force on April 27, 2006 as aSergeant. Later, he rose to Technical Sergeant on December 1 of the same year. On October 7, 2007, he became a Master Sergeant, the highest rank in the enlisted personnel. On May 4, 2009, he was given the special rank of Senior Master Sergeant and was also designated as the Command Sergeant Major of the 15th Ready Reserve Division.[24]

Finger
From age 16-18, Johnson worked in the Dairy/Human Resources department of the Grand Rapids branch of Otech Inc. One day, he noticed a small child had found his way into the factory and had fallen asleep on the machine that crushes cows, turning them into milk. After much debate, Johnson then decided to save the child. He rushed to the machine, swooping in and saving the child's life. Unfortunately it came with a cost. He lost his shoe.

After a daunting day at work, Johnson decided to go home and fingerbang a hoagie. To his surprise, he fucked up his finger, despite having the sandwich reach orgasm. To no surprise, that hoagie went on to be fucked by at least 75% of the rest of the group chat.