Gaazzalahsism

Gaazzalahsism is a religion created mostly by Nelson Murphy and credited mostly to Sam Thomas. It focuses mostly on the Dark lord Gaazzalahe who rules over this world. It is an incredibly racist and vile religion (at least towards the Romani people.) It was written from 2011-2012 an incredibly long time ago. Bad jokes warning.

The Man in the Core
Along time ago in the time of the big bang the beings Gaazzalahe, The Ungapi, It, ZorbThon, Orklapse, The Duckman of the Sky, The Gooseman of the Sky, The Birdman of the Sea, Girth, Smaw, Smaw, Smaw, Smaw, the Goose Wrangler, and the Fishman of the Sea. Then there was another Being who lived in a metal tube, liked Dub-step, insulted, vandalized, ate the last cookie, eats his yogurt with the fruit left at the bottom, owned blue Ray copies of all of Adam Sandler’s movies, liked Charlie Sheen as a Person, and listened to Owl City. In other words he was pure evil. He couldn’t control his metal tube and crashed into earth in it’s lava covered state. Eventually he hit the core and his tube was welded to the core.

Englord Isle
Afar, in the mist came a sad, sad soul seeking shelter. This mans name was Englord Isle. He dug a small hole to shelter him self form the winds of ZorthLorpse Canyon. The winds carried so much sediment if you stayed out too long, rock would form around your body. What he had seen, no man should ever see… EVER! This is his story. Englord was a conquistador from Spain. Zorrerrer, Shiploch, Shwarterzaparp, FoShizle, and he were on a quest to explore the Gaazzalahe Peak. This is where the Dark lord Gaazzalahe is supposedly living. This would not be an easy thing to do.

As Englord went deeper in the cave his memory went deeper into the story. It smelled like his favorite dish, cooked salmon served still hot on a platter of oak leaves. He hadn’t eaten a decent meal since last year. Luckily there was a dead skunk, not filled with disease or bacteria. It was still cook able. He grabbed a small amount of oil, logs, and twigs from his bag. Back in his conquistador days he was the lumber boy. His purpose was to explore all of Spain for the best lumber. Good thing he lived by a Gloorxax forest. If you’re not familiar with the plant it’s probably because Englord burned all of them. Eating the dead skunk, he remembered more, but what he remembered almost killed him due to fright.

He saw himself, Shiploch, and FoShizle climbing. Zorrerrer and Shwarterzaparp had burst into spontaneous combustion. They had climbed up 50ft in 5 hours. As they set up camp the portal of the ungapi had arrived. Then It came out.

What is it you may ask; well you’ll know it when you see it. If you must know, It is Phil Collins from the band Genesis. All anyone knows about It is that It eats the rare, but not mistaken Zebra Squirrel. It was found by Nelson the founder of Gaazalahsism. He and his organization have been able to stop It and kill It. Then It became a ghost, and possessed the body of John Belushi (even though he’s dead). They lost the trail from there until the found a piece of evidence. A shady man appeared at the Shell Station at the corner of Fuller and Knapp in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He had a trench coat and a hat, very suspicious. They found out from there that it was Justin, a young man who went to the same education center as them. So It had to escape. It traveled back in time ditching John Belushi’s corpse behind the Golden Wok.

They were all too afraid to fight It except Lumber boy. He pulled out the mega-matrix of Edgar Earthox. He blasted him back to the time of the eighties forever. He also eliminated the paradox. Later that night a meteor shower arrived. Orklapses comet also appeared in the sky. Then they were visited by the Ungapi again.

“My brother, we shall reign once more over thou canyon to conceal the fate of the three conquistadors who climb thy peak,” said the Ungapi. The Ungapi is a scribe for the Dark lord Gaazzalahe. He is also the brother of It. He had been trying to unite the two evils since the Big Bang. It did not want to join the Dark Lord because he wanted humans to be his slaves. It, simply wanted to kill millions and inflict pain on those who doubted him. “Earth is the pity of the galaxy. It is the weakest, smallest, slowest evolving civilized planet in the whole Universe. Earth will reach a demise greater and more powerful than the Big Bang. Weak as an infant, Earth will fall apart in seconds. 'Thorlaxplayah, ans transus e octos w zorthos quezallow si si Earth e lebette a octoscy clause attaz  e untose cie pluribarsos deyie onochrome.”' Basically what the Ungapi is trying to do is cast a spell on Earth to make sure it would stay at this mental level. The Human brain would never evolve of change. The translation comes out as “Gaazzalahe, this planet is idiotic at most, yes, yes Earth is under a stupidity phase an is weakening continuously so deny the onochrome.” The Onochrome is the mega-matrix used by Englord that weakens the Ungapi.

Englord finished his meal of skunk with grilled truffles on the side. Suddenly his rock door came rolling down. Englord had been exposed to the sand. He lay unconscious in the ground. His dream left off where his memory left off. He saw a consolation of stars in the sky commonly known as Ikle the Pickle’s pillow. In the dream he had fallen asleep thus waking him up in real life. He awoke in a hut in what is present day Milan. A Gypsy man with 2,000,000,000 eyes the size of a molecule. He revived him with his voodoo Gypsy magic. He had died for a billionth of a split second.

“Raw raw raw raw raw raw cawtaw law bwaaaaaaaw alah a smaw,” screamed the Gypsy. Englord did not know how to speak Gypsy, but he didn’t have to because Gypsies only yell gibberish to scare people. Englord reached for his mega-matrix, but there only a few sharpened skunk ribs. Then the Gypsy yelled, “Braare ar car bizarre PLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

So Englord took the other thing he took from the Ungapi, the Mega-Laser. He shot the Gypsy between the two series of eyes and the laser went to the top of Gaazzalahe Peak. Then another flashback occurred. The Conquistadors had returned to their expedition.

“Yo, cheese fry, get out of gri’le,” said FoShizle,” get out holmes, why you tryin’ to get  in my gri’le. E-dogg, beat it, home skillet. MOVE!”

“Shut up with your slang gibberish!” commanded Shiploch.

“WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW baw law haw Smaw, smaw!”a large crowd of Gypsies attacked. “We waw alah daw smaw.” Commanded the Gypsies. The smaw is probably a rock used to steal grapes from the market (because that is what Gypsies do). Also when traveling in a large crowd, Gypsies can, eat corn at a timing of 22 seconds and vomit out popcorn. “Smaw gaw Allah gavaw daw Smaw.”

The Conquistadors grabbed their swords and stabbed each Gypsy between the lungs. That day One Million Gypsies were slaughtered. Thus that was a good day for all. The Gypsy leader Smaw (no relation to the tool), reported back to the Dark lord Gaazzalahe. Gaazzalahe had created the Gypsies, as a plot to make every living thing commit suicide, but most people just killed the Gypsies. “Raw Gypsy Rawvelotion raw continaw,” screamed the Gypsies.

“Holy FoShizle whizzle Grizzle my Drizzle,” Said FoShizle. “Englord, you must kill the Gypsy lord. If you kill the Gypsy lord, Smaw, the Gypsies will shrivel up and die. Use your mega-matrix that can kill the Ungapi.”

“Shiploch, FoShizle, I know all this power is bestowed upon me, but the Gypsy lord? If he can stand the Gypsies, imagine how annoying he could be.” Englord said.

Englord took a moment from remembering the story, to find the mega-matrix. The Gypsy had used it to cook his meal (Gypsies only eat other Gypsies left arms). Then he had to get out of the out because a Gypsy made it. He had some pitch in his pack that he stored for later.

Back in Story World, the team of Conquistadors had woken up from their slumber. They had only climbed 13ft because of the Gypsies. Englord was no where to be found. FoShizle and Shiploch had lost him. He had ventured down a little bit to collect lumber because he had run out. Then the Ungapi came, and no one was prepared. As Englord climbed the mountain, he saw the Ungapi run away with his friends.

Englord had to reunite with his comrades. The only way for a human to travel to where the Ungapi was, was to go through troll valley. These are no ordinary trolls; they were ultra-super-mega trolls. They could speak clearly, fly, and shoot lazers. You know it’s serious if lasers is spelled wrong. The only way to defeat a troll was to make the Troll commit suicide. Then suddenly a crowd of Gypsies attacked. Englord had a plan. He took a rock and wrote Smaw on it so they thought he was smaw (Not the god or tool). He took out the only food he had that was a jumble of grapes. He tied them to a string, and then he created a makeshift sleigh. Then he attached the Gypsies to the sleigh, and they descended into the Troll valley. Englord had to cover his ears because the Gypsies were yelling “BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LA CASA DA SMAW!” That was the great Troll catastrophe of 1735. He then slaughtered all the Gypsies through poison grapes. Suddenly he saw the leg of his friend Shiploch on the Valley bed. It was a highly detailed artificial leg from the renaissance era. Leonardo da Vinci originally carved it, but the history books won’t tell you that he did. Knowing that it was his friends and probably had a good cash value as well, Englord swiped the leg from the ground.

Back in the real world, Englord stopped using his brain, and started his fire. He had no logs left, and tossed in the leg. He had no shelter except an over hanging rock a statue of smaw, his Smaw rock, and his backpack. In his dream the story began again.

He converted his sleigh into a canoe and ventured down the river at the end of the valley. Then he came across the Duckman of the sky. The Duckman of the sky has a relation to the Ungapi. He is the Ungapi’s twin brother. He has one weakness, the Gooseman of the Sky, his triplet, and his Quadruplet, the birdman of the Sea. They all shoot down ships and aircrafts like the one the one guy who did that one thing back in the seventies was on. He grabbed the mega-matrix and shot him around the world in an eastward direction so time sped up for a while. The people who made Superman copied this idea. During the time jump, Englord found his way to the end of the river. He also wrote a mathematical equation explain what had just happen. Then another clue appeared. FoShizle’s “Gri’le” was on the ground. He also picked it up because it could have an equally good cash value as the leg. “Craw, Craw, Blaw” called the Gypsy bird. It was given this name because it was equally as annoying as a Gypsy was. Englord had a pleasant supper of Gypsy bird that night. The next day he had to begin climbing to get higher on the mountain. He had actually lost elevation since he had last seen his friends. Then he smelled a distinct odor, yes, Glorbenschmitz, the Ungapi’s pet bird. Then he heard a familiar voice, it was Zorrerrer. His ghost had been following him the whole way of his journey. He picked up Englord and lifted him to the next closest cliff. He could see his friends in the distance. They had been tied up a hung from a cliff.

Englord awoke to a traveling group of thieves that captured him. They took him to their layer in the Faunxe Cave. The leader of this group was Alough. He was arrested for stealing two carriages, killing the Morshlore family, grand theft horse, and blowing up a church. After he was arrested he was sentenced to death. The day before he was set to be killed, he realized his cell-mate was a Gypsy. So he was able to use the Gypsy to bust down the cell wall. The Gypsy made every prison guard die off. He let the prisoners leave and later joined his gang. He still has that same Gypsy. It’s chained up to Alough’s carriage that he had previously stolen. That Gypsy has evolved. He no longer desires to worship a stupid rock that has 21 different meanings, he can speak clearly, and he is quite intelligent. He can not return to his regular life as a Gypsy because he is technically a fugitive. He is currently trying to find out how to defeat the evil Alough. He locked Englord in a cell with The Gypsy.

“Pssssss, can you keep a secret? I have been locked in this cage ever since my brain age evolved. I need to escape. Alough doesn’t known that I can talk so quiet. Can you keep a secret?”said the Gypsy.

“All right, I’ll try to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t go up against Alough alone. I’ll need your help,” Said Englord.

“Its fine, I know some people who would like to rise above the commanding rule of Alough.” Answered the Gypsy.

The next day, when the henchmen of Alough came to feed the prisoners. They bargained a deal. The plan was to bust the two out of the cell then sneak to the south patrol tower. By then the guards would have known they had escaped. Then they would run to the north patrol tower because that is closer to the cave opening. Then Englord would climb up to the top of the tower with the rest of the crew. The gang would never suspect that the two guards were in cahoots with the prisoners. Then at night, the two henchmen of Alough, Englord, and the Gypsy would escape. The plan followed out except that Alough grew suspicious of the guards since they were the last two to see the two prisoners. Alough followed them to a wall in the valley. He drew his knife and charged at Englord Isle. Alough had quite a bounty on his head. Englord took out the Onochrome and it shot. It wasn’t like when he attacked other enemies with it, instead Alough melted into a puddle of goo. His last words were “Bountah ONOCHROME!” Then the mega-matrix began to blink red, yellow, blue, orange, red, red, green, purple, and turquoise. This gave him a flashback to when he saw his friends. The Ungapi was there with the opposite weapon to the Onochrome. It flashed into the same pattern.

He was looking at them for long; they had been attached to a dragon carrying them to the Ungapi’s hideout. That was the Ungapi’s dragon, Patrick, who had a dark past. Patrick was a drinker, and he bothered all of his family and friends. Then he found the guiding spirit of the Ungapi. Now his life is worse because even though Patrick is much bigger than the Ungapi, he still fears him. Englord had a new direction to go, to the Ungapi’s hideout, Gaazzalahe could wait. His hideout was at least 200 miles away plus what ever obstacles came his way. For anyone in that day and age, that was walking distance. There was a steep cliff he had to shimmy down, and then there was another cliff he had to shimmy up. Eventually he made it to a small town. This was the town of Ermalermpa. It was named after Charlortoinio Mawnfawndererer Cascadointopinto Ermalermpa-Malskarniontion Esquire, he was famous for um…….. uh ………. Um………. I guess he really never did anything that important but that’s not my point. Maybe it was Fransininintoinmointo Lee Impailerrcannabullraypissedeeville Maskeddmurdererrcriminaleksconn Ermalermpa-Killurcraizeehorribullauntagonistgraivdiggur Esquire. So anyway, Englord went to Ermalermpa, but Ermalermpa had a horrible secret. The secret is that Ermalermpa is the home of Shosh ta zulu. He was an evil, evil goat. Also he would steal all the candy and sweets from stores so children had a bitter sad childhood. The only one who was close to killing him was Tom, the janitor. He took out a rock and beat him to a pulp, but that only made him stronger. Also he has a pet zebra-lion named Charles Dickens (not the writer). Englord walked down a long road with empty buildings.

“Bogga-Wogga-Willi!” yelled Shosh ta zulu as he wacked Englord Isle in the face.“Boogity Boogity bill you better leave my city.”

“NEVER!” yelled Englord Isle and he took his Mega-Matrix and shot Shosh ta Zulu in the chest. It didn’t kill him, it only ripped his torso in half.

“What the hell man, I was only going to ask you why everyone hates me.” Said Shosh ta zulu. It was the right decision telling that Shosh ta Zulu was the worst liar in all of Ermalermpa. Then Englord cut Shosh ta Zulu’s head off and ate it savoring each bite of flesh he ripped out and tore apart with his teeth. All the towns’ folk ran out of hiding hugging Englord. One lady even kissed him. The Mayor, Mayor Mick Chiez gave Englord a sandwich, and one ring to accompany him. It connected to the Mega-Matrix. Now it was more efficient to get out. The way out the city was very easy. Englord went down the slipin’ slide into the plains of popoppy. There was an abundance of supplies such as tobacco, corn, and prairie pineapple. Then Englord found a clue. It was droppings from Patrick, and the Ungapi. The Ungapi’s was much larger. It lead him to a shack with blood oozing out of the bottom of it. Inside was the rotting corpse of FoShizle. FoShizle was choked by Shiploches’ amputated hand. The sad thing was that, Shiploch had one real hand. The other was a hook.

Englord woke up. He was in a hospital. When the Mega-Matrix was flashing colors, he passed out. The doctor said he was lucky to be alive. He had chicken pox. The Onochrome gave him chicken pox. Englord had no money, so ripped out one of his own teeth to pay the doctor. His mouth was gushing out blood. Then he had another ironic flashback.

FoShizle had blood steaming out of his mouth faster than an Olympic runner. He poured the blood into a cup, to give to FoShizle’s family. He saw a path a debris leading to Patrick. He started to trek down the path, and then he was suddenly attacked. A flock of flying pigs attacked him. His Onochrome shot out at the pigs in rapid fire. He ran without stopping for 29 miles. Patrick was not far from here. He saw him and the Ungapi in the distance. He grabbed two flying pigs or Orvels and rode them to the Ungapi. He landed at the mountain. The Mega Sword was stuck in a rock, and Englord pulled it out acting like a total Bad Ass. The Ungapi reached for his sword but pulled out his cane instead. He stabbed the Ungapi in the throat. He didn’t die but he was flailing around on the floor like an electrocuted fish. He cut down Shiploch and he slapped Englord.

“You want the treasure and immortality you shorshbogen (A swear word no longer in use) You want his blood.” Said Shiploch. He cut off the Ungapi’s robot hand and put it on his stub.

“You’re making a mistake” said Englord. Shiploch teleported to Gaazzalahe peak. He had gone all that way for nothing. He could never save Shiploch in time.

Then he went down the mountain to where the story originally began.

“Hey Englord wakey, wakey,” Said Bhyll. Bhyll (or Biohazard Bhyll) was Englord’s cousin. “Man you aintzez lookin’ mighty fine (yes he has bad grammar).”

“Bhyll why are you here?” asked Englord.

“Not to steal your kidneys… Unless I can have them?” said Bhyll. Bhyll was crazy and illegally trafficked organs.

“No,” said Englord as he shot him and went back to sleep.

In his dreams he saw a rabbit, a rabbit that was distributing hiding spots to eggs that he carried around in his basket. “Who are you?” asked Englord.

“I am Ivan J. EasterBunny, your spirit animal,” said the strange creature.

“Why the hell are you my spirit animal, we share nothing in common, all you do is hide things for your own sick doings. I burn trees and create heat. I’m not even a rabbit. Why are you following me. What could a magical talking human-like rabbit have to tell me. You creep you should go away so no one has to put up with you. We have nothing in common, just to reiterate, so get out of my head,” Screamed Englord.

“Alright maybe I wont tell you where to find the edible candy bean like treats I hid all around your head,” said Ivan.

“It’s my head I can find them and create hundreds of them if I really wanted to. Isn’t it your intension for me to go looking for them. I can even kill you off if I really wanted to.” Said Englord.

“Fine I’ll leave but mark my words, Shiploch is EVIL and in general is a horrible person,” said Ivan.

“How do you know?” asked Englord.

“I’m magical,” said Ivan.

Then Ivan slowly began to swallow himself until he traveled to the universe Q2 where people from the imagination were real. When Englord woke up he had no more chicken pox. He left the medical shack to go to Gaazzalahe peak. There was no easy way to get there anymore. The only way to get there was to travel on horseback, but Englord lost his horse license for drunk riding. When he was running there he encountered his arch enemy, Ench le French. He was a French explorer who also wanted to climb Gaazzalahe peak. He met Englord for the first time in England where Englord was originally from. When Englord went out to explore the seas for new land he had him thrown in jail. That is where he met Alough.

“Englord Isle my arch enemy I’ll kill you in vengeance of paolkin,” said Le French. Oh yeah apparently I skipped the part where Englord killed Ench Le French’s chicken for throwing him in jail.

“No you will die Le French,” yelled Englord as he shot him with the Onochrome. Le French had been carrying a deadlier weapon called the Duochrome which shot two lasers. I connected to the Onochrome creating the Triochrome. Le French died the way he lived, in a pool of his own blood.

As it got later, Englord built a tent of 37 jack rabbit furs he had picked up from Le French. As it got later he realized how lucky he is. If he discovers Gaazzalahe, he could be famous, rich, and immortal, but Englord didn’t want those things, or at least he thought he didn’t. Shiploch had been getting to his lately when he said Gaazzalahe could do all those things. The longer he thought about it, the more he longed for it. Englord had a horrible life. Because of Le French society hated him. The only friends he had were FoShizle, Shiploch, Zorrerrer, Shwarterzaparp. Englord only fell in love once. He never knew her name, but he knew her. When he told Le French, he sent her out to live in the colony. The only letter he got from her told her she was getting married. This was the only thing Englord had to live for. If he couldn’t do this, he’d have nothing left. Englord never even had a home, he just stayed with FoShizle. Would Englord even want to be immortal? Would he just live long enough for his life to fail? Would he just be waiting for the next French guy to screw him over. He didn’t care anymore. He was almost certain that Shiploch had already gained immortality, wealth and a good life. Besides he didn’t even know how he would get there. He sure as hell couldn’t run. He couldn’t even ride his horse. Englord drifted off into a deep sleep when he was woken up to a peculiar sight. Patrick the Ungapi’s dragon had come to see him. He didn’t eat him or kill him just to talk to him.

“Englord hurry, you’re friend Shiploch is about to receive immortality,” said Patrick.

“So let him,” said Englord, “besides he’s not even my friend anymore.”

“Don’t listen to a fictional Easter Bunny listen to me, he will go insane,” said Patrick

“Why should I listen to you, you work for the Ungapi, he tries to kill me,” responded Englord.

“Not anymore, I took his arm, I killed him, and I threw him to the sky …. Then I ate him,” said Patrick.

“Alright but if you swallow me I will shoot you,” said Englord.

“Alright, if that’s what takes, get on I’ll fly you there,” said Patrick.

“Good. Say how did you know I talked to the Easter Bunny?” asked Englord.

“He talks to me too,” said Patrick. The flight there only took five minutes, but to Englord it seemed like a day. He thought more and more about what he’d do with his immortality and magic, but he didn’t want the magic and immortality. Actually, the more he thought about it (not Phil Collins) the more he started to second guess his first decision to not gain immortality. Then when he didn’t think about it, he felt like he was about to cry. He also thought about Shiploch, and if he really was evil. He had never been harmful or threatening toward the group or even made fun of anyone. He had never even been to jail of Englord’s knowing or been involved with a crime. He was real smart and did as he was told, and never complained about anything. He was an optimist and always had hope. He even employed Englord when no other place would. He had rules they had to follow but never strictly enforced them. He only got angry at FoShizle. Maybe he was just going mad because of all the potential power he could receive. Like he really didn’t want to gain immortality, but felt urged to do so. Like Englord. He never wanted power, he just liked exploring and conquering land and not immortality. He took his knife and cut himself in the arm. That was the only way to stop thinking about immortality. By the time Patrick had landed at Gaazzalahe peak those urges started up again.

“I can fight Englord. I know that the Ungapi is horrible and Evil but he is still my friend. I know to you this might seem like I’m betraying you, but you know when to save a friend don’t you,” said Patrick.

“I told you Patrick Shiploch is not my friend!” said Englord.

“Then why are you here?” asked Patrick.

“For the IMMORTALITY!” yelled Englord. He had just realized what had done. “No Patrick, I didn’t mean, something is urging me to want immortality, but I don’t really seem to want it. Can you help me?” said Englord.

“Fine, I’ll be hear call for me if you need my help, I realized that the only reason I was friends with Gaazzalahe was because I was following the Ungapi’s orders. I’m not much of a fighter, but you have my word,” said Patrick. When Englord made it to the top of Gaazzalahe peak, he saw Shiploch lying on the floor almost dead. Then he heard Gaazzalahe talking.

“Once I revive you to full health, you will gain my powers and we can rule the world side by side. I never had a partner in evil. I could have became friends with It, but we didn’t share the same beliefs. You will become as powerful as me maybe even stronger. Think you’re life could be perfect. You finally would become rich. You could rearrange time so that you discovered the self called “New World” that Columbus discovered. You could even kill Englord Isle. It wouldn’t be an easy job, but you hate Englord. He stands in front of all your future dreams and aspirations. You want all those things to come true, don’t you … well Englord doesn’t. In fact, he hates you, I could smell it inside of him. With Englord gone, there will be nothing stopping anyone from complete world domination. Why do you thing I created Le French, to be Englord’s best pal, no. To you and me Englord Isle is Evil. Think about it, Englord is a convict and you are a clean respectable man. If you thing about it, it’s almost a crime not to kill him. Englord hates me and I am you’re mentor. Will you betray me or kill your horrible convict “friend” who despises you with every bone in his body. The difference between you’re life, and his death is only one word away. Need some more time to think? I know how you feel, I had to decide between keeping you or killing you. Like you I had to find all the pros and cons about you being my terror associate, as you might call it. Think about it, money, power, girls, magic, immortality, and no Englord Isle. You would finally be happy, and so would I. The only person who wouldn’t be happy would be Englord Isle and that wouldn’t be fare for him to be happy and us not. The poor bastard is probably trying to find us right now. His tiny little human brain can’t comprehend how to get up a mountain. Besides, he’s only a pathetic, stupid lumber boy and nothing else. Hurry, times running out for an answer. So where was I, oh yeah Englord is pathetic. If you join me I can make you smarter, and more attractive. All your longest desires will come true. Don’t worry Englord is far from here. You can snap him like a twig. Seeing Englord die would be blissful for you. Besides you could even marry his love interest that left him because he was too late to pop the question. You could destroy the whole damn planet for all you care. All you would have to say is three simple letters y-e-s. Think about this, if you say no, I will kill you. Would you really risk your life for Englord’s, even though he hates you with all of his well being. You could be anything you wanted to be, or you stay in your life you have right now where you have to be a follower instead of a leader and never stand out from the crowd. If you say yes you wouldn’t be a nobody you would actually matter and no one would treat you like trash. It would almost be stupid to say no because let’s face it, Zorrerrer and   Shwarterzaparp were the only employees you actually cared about. Oh times up so what do you say Shiploch, right, of course I’m right, is it YES or NO,” said Gaazzalahe.

Before Shiploch responded time slowed down in Englord’s mind. First he couldn’t digest that Shiploch could believe this. He had known the man for six years. He had even said he was like the son he’s never had. Then this dumb idiot comes bumbling along and spews out a long stream of lies to get Englord killed. So he acted before he thought. He jumped out from the rock he was hiding behind and shot at Gaazzalahe.

“Well, well, well, look what figured out how to climb a mountain,” said Gaazzalahe.

“SHUT UP. I’ve been here for a long time and I heard your little speech you gave to Shiploch, and Shiploch those are all untruthful lies,” said Englord.

“What’s that, the Onochrome?”said Gaazzalahe.

“No it’s the Triochrome,” replied Englord as he shot him in the face again. He didn’t die but he passed out from the pain. Then he ran over to Shiploch.

“Shiploch, are you all right? Don’t believe Gaazzalahe. Shiploch. Shiploch. Shiploch GET UP!” said Englord. Suddenly Shiploch got up and attacked him.

“Why should you decide what’s morally right for me? I can make my own decisions Englord. I know you hate me. My destiny lies here,” said Shiploch.

“Trust me Shiploch, the Easter Bunny said so,” replied Englord.

“Seriously, the Easter bunny is the best thing you can come up with. Did you come up with that on your way up here? You probably used your tiny human brain,” said Shiploch.

“Alright, first of all, you are a human so you just mocked your own species. Second, the Easter Bunny is my spirit animal. And third, don’t do this. Life might not have been fancy or wealth, but it was still enjoyable. Shiploch, you’re going mad with potential power. Stop now before you do something you will regret. You’re a good person,” responded Englord.

“This isn’t your choice Englord. I wish I never employed you. I’m gaining my Immortality whether you try to stop me or not,” responded Shiploch.

“No it’s MY IMMORTALITY!” yelled Englord. He pushed Shiploch down and began beating him. The Shiploch then got up and threw a rock at Englord. The rock was small so it only knocked out a few of his teeth but Englord didn’t care. Then Shiploch took his robot hand and began bashing in Englord’s face. When his hand hurt he stopped hitting him. Englord still had enough energy to call Patrick, but he didn’t. He grabbed Shiploches’ neck and banged his head on a rock. Then Shiploch dug up some dirt and jammed it in Englord’s mouth causing him to choke. He kicked Englord off the edge. He was hanging on by a thread. Shiploch stomped on Englord’s hand as he began to slip. One drop of blood from Englord’s mouth was enough to signal Patrick. Patrick flew up to the mountain and grabbed Englord with is back legs and grabbed Shiploch in his front. He then swallowed Shiploch.

“Englord, are alright?” asked Patrick.

“Yes I’m fine,” replied Englord.

“Okay now we need to kill Gaazzalahe, where exactly is he,” said Patrick. Then, ironically, Gaazzalahe came and scared off Patrick.

“Well, well Englord Isle, how’s it going? I see you failed attempting to kill me the first time so I think now one of us will be successful. Let us fight!” Screamed Gaazzalahe.

Englord pulled out his Triochrome and shot multiple times at Gaazzalahe. He kept coming knowing he was all evil and magic and stuff. He pinned Englord down.

“Do you know why I wanted Shiploch to kill you? You are the one chosen by ZorbThon,” said Gaazzalahe. I just want to take a side note to explain who ZorbThon is the Arch enemy of Ungapi. He is actually a good, loving, and caring person. He needed to defeat the Ungapi and Gaazzalahe and possibly It as well. He couldn’t do it (not Phil Collins) himself so he needed someone who could. He thought of a ridiculous name on a whim and that name was Englord Isle. Then he realized that Englord was all ready a person with a ridiculous name. He tried to play it (again not Phil Collins) so Englord would be oblivious to what he was doing. “You know Englord, ZorbThon is around right now, but who could he be?” asked Gaazzalahe.

“ME!” yelled Patrick as he jumped up to push Gaazzalahe into the wall. “Englord, what does it say on your Triochrome?”

Englord responded “It says 'Thorlaxplayah, ans transus e octos w zorthos quezallow si, si Earth e lebette a octoscy clause attaz e untose cie pluribarsos deyie onochrome,” '

“Oh no! It’s going to happen. What does it say underneath it?” Said Patrick as he held back Gaazzalahe.

“What do you mean, Phil Collins? Specify?” asked Englord.

“The text,” replied Patrick.

“Oup,” responded Englord.

“NO, we only have until 6:23 to stop Gaazzalahe,” said Patrick as he was still holding Gaazzalahe.

“Kick his ass, nothing’s stopping you,” said Englord.

“I WILL NOT DIE HERE TONIGHT ENGLORD ISLE. I HAVE SAT BY AND SEEN YOU DESTROY MY WORK FOR TOO LONG, AND SAME GO’S FOR YOU ZORBTHON OR ‘PATRICK’ AS I GUESS YOU CALL YOURSELF NOW!” yelled Gaazzalahe. He threw Patrick to the ground and pinned him down next a pile of neon mucus. “You plot to kill me, but in actuality, you were supposed to die. Shiploch was supposed to rule by my side to help cause evil. I’ve caused every bad thing that has happened on earth and Mars, Bruno Mars. You, you were supposed to be dead but then ZorbThon took you under his wing. I tried to attack your emotions like when your “girl” went away, or when Ench le French framed you to go to prison. Then you ruined it by getting back on your feet and killing ench le French. Things have to go a way for a reason, you can’t change it. You don’t even know me and Shiploch were going to do. We were going to tease that young kid Larry King, and possibly immortalize him. Tip over the perfectly vertical tower of Piza. We were going to plant a fake Mayan calendar so people would think that the world would end in 2012. What a stupid thing to think. The world won’t end in 2012, that’s stupid. Why would the Mayans know the key to the future? We were also going to add artifacts at all indigenous societies that oddities from space visited them and helped build society. Who would want to see that? That’s also stupid. If it takes a long time to get to the nearest star, then how did they get here? There’s no life on any other planet besides Earth and Mars, Bruno Mars. We were going to hurl a huge mass of biohazard material into the sun. We were going to create David Spade. It doesn’t get any more evil than that. We were also going to inspire someone named Nolan to create a movie called Inception, which is going to be really good, but then, it doesn’t get an Oscar. We created strange lingo like Swagg and Icy, that doesn’t even refer to the solidness of a liquid. This is also an Idea, someone who’s name is Jay Leno, and he’s going to screw over some dude named O’Brien and another dude named Letterman. So I need to kill you,” said Gaazzalahe. Then he was attacked by an unlikely candidate… Shiploch. He had crawled out of Patrick’s mouth and realized that Englord was his friend. He pushed Gaazzalahe into his puddle of neon mucus. He started exploding instantly. In his last breath he said, “Morrpzxjnvldfjnvldfjnldfjnvldfjndlfnvjlfnv goat pulp.” It baffled both of them.

“Englord I’m deeply sorry for what came over me, but I have to take the place of Gaazzalahe,” said Shiploch.

“Why?” asked Englord.

“It’s the only way,” said Shiploch.

“It doesn’t have to be that way Shiploch, everything can go back to the way it was before we trekked up this peak,” Englord responded.

“Nothing happens for a reason Englord; things just have to work out. We can have that sense of accomplishment unless there is a problem to overcome. It’s my destiny, and I can’t change that. I have to be, Gaazzalahe,” replied Shiploch.

“Could you just do one thing for me?” asked Englord.

“What?” asked Shiploch.

“Could you bring FoShizle back to life? I know it’s not a part of his destiny, but I’m kind of screwed if I have to pay the whole rent,” asked Englord.

“No,” Shiploch said as he left.

“Well, that sucks,” said Englord knowing he have to climb back down. Nine days later, Englord made it back down. A young journalist hungering for a story asked Englord if Gaazzalahe peak was climbable. Then Englord told him the whole story. He was given lots of recognition for that story and became famous. It was published into a book that he got all the credit for. Englord got none. So he attempted to kill him, and succeeded. He needed to start a new life. He decided to take the name of the journalist as a pen name. That guy’s name was Ernisburgburger McBoroughsburg. He still lives today

Phonshiz
Once upon a Phonshiz, the legendary Arse Face mcpoodle arrive. He is the equivalence to Santa Claus or the Cuanza cactus. He made sure kids didn’t depend on some strange man from the mall who delivers them presents down a shaft that probably have hidden narcotics inside. No one likes Arse face Mcpoodle, so each year every family keeps out the Phonshiz 12 gauge above the mantle. They also leave out poisonous cookies that contain shards of glass, LSD, wire, turtle, and rocks. He drives a busted up red mustang that is attached with jumper cables to genetically engineered Reign deer. The cables made the deer become partially cartooned and have the ability to do anything. Also the oldest of the oldest men of the family hang up their stanky socks. Putting them by the fire allowed the natural stench to rise into the night creating green house gases that melt the polar ice caps to destroy his layer in the South Pole. He hides there to absorb the magnetic fields to power his Mustang. Then there is the tree. The whole concept of the tree was to annoy the Arse face Mcpoodle. Also the arse face Mcpoodle his very STUPID. If you sleep, he believes that you’re dead. So, lock your doors and keep out the 12 gauge, and have a Happy Phonshiz. The ARSE Face Mcpoodle also has a thing for elves and penguins. If you happen to work at the zoo request to buy a penguin and tape a bomb to it. When he tries to get it on with the penguin, the bomb will go off.